Bedtime Story
by Rhiannamator
Summary: I tell a little bedtime story to my Ladies about Princess Adam, who runs across a group of thieves in the forest. Will he escape? Crackfic-y. Mild language, M/M mentions


**Title: Bedtime Story  
><strong>**Rating: T  
><strong>**Warnings: Mild language, M/M mentions  
><strong>**Summary: A little bedtime story for my Ladies. Princess Adam runs across a group of thieves in the forest. Will he escape?  
>Disclaimer: I make no money and own nothing in this story. Except me. And Terrah's soul. But that's it. <strong>

**This whole thing actually happened on twitter one day. I legit just copied & pasted, except for the italicized narrations at the beginning and end, which have been paraphrased. Kinda Princess Bride-style, I guess. Hope my Ladies Terrahfry & JoMoFan-Spot don't mind! xD**

_Terrah and Shezles were having a terrible day. They were both exhausted, but the stresses of life had agitated them both to the point of insomnia. Often when one was sad or angry, the other would soothe and cheer her, but today their irritations just fed off each other. _

_When Rhi arrived to see her ladies in such a state, she knew action must be taken. "I think what we need here is a bedtime story," she said, and gathered her girls in her arms. They snuggled together in her lap as she rocked them, stroking their hair, and she began a tale._

Once upon a time there was this beautiful princess named Adam. He had the most precious ass in all the land. All of Princess Adam's loyal subjects praised his glorious ass, held banquets in its honor, and wrote epic songs of its beauty.

Now, besides having the fairest booty in all the land, Princess Adam was much beloved for his sweet nature and the kindness he showed to his subjects. Many princes came from all over the world to court sweet Princess Adam, having heard the songs of his wondrous behind. King Jay knew one day he would have to see his beloved brother married off to become queen of some other kingdom. This saddened him, as it saddened all the subjects of the land, but they wanted nothing but the happiness of their princess. Unfortunately, none of the princes from other kingdoms were worthy to even lay eyes on Princess Adam's glory.

One day as the princess was riding through the woods, he came across a band of ruffians from the land of Northernmost Carolinia. One of the travelers spied the princess and was immediately dazzled by the princess's beauty. He begged his older brother, the leader of the group, to stop this fair maiden, pointing out that he must have riches to plunder. While his compatriots stole the jewels, he would steal the princess. The leader agreed and they descended.

The enamored thief grabbed the princess, but Adam was having none of it. Hiking up his skirts, he fought the brigands until only one remained standing. The one who had grabbed him in the first place. They stared each other down, and Adam was struck by his pretty green eyes, luscious lips and lithe body. But this man was trying to capture him, do who knew what dastardly things to him, and he couldn't be distracted.

He lunged at the villain and fought him to the ground. But Princess Adam was tired from dispatching the others, and the villain got the best of him. Adam pleaded with the man, asking him why he would want to hurt him, telling of his loyal subjects and his brother the King, and how they would give the ruffians anything they wished to have their princess safe and unharmed. The traveler thought on this a moment. Eventually he agreed.

They mounted the princess's horse and started off for the castle, Adam's hands bound behind him and the villain's arms around his waist. Never one to know when to shut up, Princess Adam asked the thief why he'd changed his mind. The thief sighed and held the princess tighter. He said his name was Jeff, and he and his brothers were lost, hungry and poor. Even though he wanted to take the princess away and keep him forever, he knew the money would help his friends. He asked only that his friends would receive the ransom before the King had him beheaded for his impudence. And that he got to sit like this for a while, with the princess in his arms.

Princess Adam looked back at the handsome man, intrigued by his thoughtfulness and sense of honor. He was also intrigued by the hunger in his light eyes, and the hardness he felt against his bound hands. Princess Adam, being the brat he was at heart, wondered what would happen if he moved his hands. He soon found out. By the time they got to the castle, both were flushed and slightly embarrassed. They had also conspired something to tell the King.

Princess Adam explained to King Jay how Jeff and his friends had saved him from a band of thieves, but his friends had fallen in the forest, while Jeff brought him home safely. Jay was so relieved to see his beautiful brother safe that he ordered the group of NoCaro travelers be brought immediately to the castle, where all were given jobs and homes. Now that the boys were no longer lost and afraid, they went to their work happily. The leader of the group, Matt, was given a position serving directly under the King, a position he enjoyed thoroughly. Jeff worked hardest of all, doing the best he could to earn a place by the princess's side.

Adam talked often to his brother about Jeff, telling him how loyal and honorable he was, what a diligent and caring man he was. Eventually the king realized his little princess was madly in love and had found someone worthy of the Ass of Song and Glory... but the man wasn't a prince. What was he to do? Over time Jay watched Adam pine away.

Finally he could take the princess's moping no more and declared, "Fuck it! So what if Jeff has no lands of his own? The Kingdom of Canadia is large enough. Go, Adam, marry your commoner and you and the new prince may rule over one of the territories. Besides, what sort of hypocrite would i be, since my own new queen is the new prince's brother." King Jay winked a bright blue eye, and Adam ran to his prince.

Jeff didn't care about lands or ruling; he had his princess. The world was jealous that a commoner had landed the most glorious ass in memory, but Adam's loyal subjects rejoiced and embraced their new prince. And they lived happily ever after.

_Rhi tucked her girls into their beds and brushed their hair back to kiss their foreheads. "Sleep well, my darlings," she whispered, and left them to sleep with pretty smiles on their faces._


End file.
